A meaningless pm

[Editor’s note] this summer afternoon sun through the thick glass, cast on my back, I felt a natural warmth in the air-conditioned room, and my heart was in the cold, the confused mess. I can not define this afternoon to.I have ever experienced this afternoon, is not doing nothing, but boring, so boring head tangle of confusion.Is not no goal, but it felt tired of life, passion falls low, gradually dim the light of hope in prayer, and it is sad and anxious.Life is very dull, although there are many times somewhat aimlessly, changed a lot, but it felt more and more distant from this era.I cry, you can not hear, you can only see my face.My face was relatively dark, but that does not mean I’m discouraged, I’m up to seek fame and health.However, this early summer afternoon sun through the thick glass, cast on my back, I felt a natural warmth in the air-conditioned room, and my heart was in the cold, the confused mess.There is no traffic jam outside the road, people running on a green court.I could hear the river roaring noise-like, they can not hear the sound of running.They wore yellow shirts, vigorous walking, prompt action, as I was.But so far away, just across the layer of glass, but it is forever.I can never go back to their team, and I do not understand them, I can not cheer for them, I feel sorrow are everywhere attack me, even though I told myself a thousand times to be strong, to live them look, I stand up and straighten the backing, this does not mean I’m happy and successful, this is only my mission in life, a child’s set, I actually perform up from calves born, and today’s fear, so I’m away from you, I actually closer to yourself, closer to his own soul, and I always behind time.Like this afternoon, I heard a voice, choking voice flooded the city, but I can not, want to contribute, but can not find the goal, I can only behave indifferent.You know I faced a choice, you smile, you do not know me and therefore painful inner confusion created, those things make me very decadent, do nothing.    Happy seem very far away from us.The teacher did not teach us happy way.From small to large, we secretly happy, secretly share the joy.Happy small, and a large task.We do not have a lot of tasks, we end his life, just for fun.We can feel the joy was so rare, and even makes us depressed, lost confidence in life and the future.Small, parents really makes me happy too, but very short, it can be memory, perhaps only thirty-two.Home to our task, is the family line, so we knuckled down to study, in order to score, we torment.This is not a short process, we can not lose at the starting line, there is no kindergarten, we will under the guidance of their elders, they began to learn to start the competition, yet the people around him began, all the people the same age as established competitors.Into the school, we have not a student, but the soldiers, under the command of the teacher, to go beyond other classes, under the command of parents, neighbors go beyond, under the command of the community, to serve the construction.This is a huge contradiction, the teacher’s goal is to fight for the honor of his family as long as vanity, but social needs dedication, what we want is a happy life.We were distorted, mentally immature when we were put into a strange shape in glass, they see the way we grow in accordance with their requirements on the inside, but do not know what we’re in the end how strong, or have and more fragile.We rushed out of their limitations, but we gradually lose vitality, we do not have a direction, but do not want to turn back, the road of life, full of frustration, we came finally in sight, black and blue, but not the words pain, I insisted we desire get change for themselves, we paid a lot for us to adhere to our insist we created the image, but no one wants to have mercy on us.We just need a little mercy, but a lot of times, we get!    When I first traveled to Great South Road work when the car sit too far to the other end of the Haizhu Bridge, then down, I know that this is a one-way street, go back to the car, get on around the circle, only bus stop.I decided to walk back.Sky is also higher than usual, sunshine yellow and on the ground.Cars on the Haizhu Bridge Jerusalem after the custom contacts, pedestrians on the sidewalk sparse.This afternoon, people are working in the office market or work hard.I seen the other side of the river bank, a huge banyan tree canopy, dark green glass curtain wall, demolition of being a professional market.From the bridge to see the river, the river has fallen down, Dyke revealing traces of a large portion of light flooding, river rapids river.I read more glances, there is an urge to jump the river.My legs almost jumped up, and had to hurdle, a river away.I know I did not go there desperate, but irrepressible.I look in front, came in the face of a woman, her head bowed pound walked, as if everything in this world has nothing to do with her.I gritted my teeth, forcing myself not to go to watch the river, to see who the top of the building, while telling myself over that bridge on the right.Under the bridge, under the bridge saw the old man fishing, not my legs trembling.I was not lucky, standing tall window, my heart will produce the same impulse jumped down.The river is gentle, concrete floor was hard, but they do not reject life.Only one life, although this time is meaningless, but alive, is an account of the world we all loved ones and enemies.Only alive, they can perceive our existence, even if it can be ignored, but not necessarily completely forgotten that they can be.    Trouble with us life.Like this afternoon, I was on tenterhooks.I can not happy, but I will also not trouble controlling.I thought, freedom of thought, repeated thoughts.Thought will make us forget the fear, calmed down, and the passage of time gradually return to reality.Our greatest fear is the reality, most of us also want to escape reality, we also hated reality, because the reality is forcing us too close, just a casual act, will touch reality.Face it, in fact, it is the face of their own, as see it is our shadow, of course, it could put us into a corner, or underfoot.It wants us to be flat, and you cater to it, right into it.We must learn to cater to more independent and learn to fight.Only head-on opportunity to create change.If we escape, we can not stand up for life, sad life, life fails, life no peace.Because in reality, not only they, have not known, but also our own.We can not be intimidated by troubles, even though we knew that they wronged, knowing that we are potential single force thin, knowing that we will crash.It does not matter, always the last minute to try, in that case, all of the results, is not necessarily bad.But we have to wait very long wait is very terrible hurt, come up with their commitment and passion for life, the guardian of their beliefs with all the power, we will be strong, self-esteem or gain respect.    To tell the truth, I do not like this city, I was obsessed with my village.The city consequently does not give us, you think about it, we are walking around here, from dock workers to construction workers to assembly line workers, we obtained a decade has not changed, and the city has become magnificent.My village is very deep, very poor and weak, deserted it hurts, and our elders, but children waited at that, can not imagine.We like to be drained of water tree, if it continues in the city, we all have to wait for treatment.I have some fear, my youth is fading, old was with the evening light comes, we will be very nostalgic painting of nuanced, our next push to the foot of the wall, push us to despair and moan.We are talking about responsibility, the dream of happiness, is insignificant, but the weight of our breath, but we can rely so far the only, in addition to our strength, is silent.Silent, this city slide into dusk.The city is not going to make the city into the evening, the sun has not yet shed all the lights lit.We make this city ablaze, they made a false picture of the city.We were silent, restless souls noise in.    2010.Fives.27 [Editor: Butterflies]